


Asshole

by DanishPastriesandmore



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, America centric, Coming Out, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mild Language, homophobic violence, not explicit, re edit/re-write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8165345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanishPastriesandmore/pseuds/DanishPastriesandmore
Summary: Alfred was close friends with Arthur, until Arthur came out. Later, Alfred begins to realise that he was the Asshole.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Re-write/edit from Fanfiction.net. I always wanted to re-edit this fic, it was my first ever fanfiction posted.

 

Alfred considered Arthur his closest friend.

They hadn't been friends at first. The small, angry Briton had moved from London to the small town where Alfred lived, for his parents work. Many were put off by Arthur's prickly attitude, and Alfred had been one of them. Arthur appeared to be snooty and snappy.

However, it all changed when their Maths teacher had intervened.

"Alfred, please come here for a second" Mr Wang called at the end of class. Alfred strode forward and found himself standing next to Arthur Kirkland. Arthur seemed to be trying to avoid his gaze.

"Alfred, Arthur here is struggling with Math. Can you please tutor him?" the Chinese man said, and Alfred inwardly groaned.

Alfred inwardly groaned. He would tutor a friend, perhaps, but _not Arthur Kirkland._ Arthur himself didn't seem that happy with the situation either, and was scowling. Perhaps out of embarrassment. "Sorry sir, I can't, I have football practice and I'm too busy."

Mr Wang rolled his eyes. "You don't have practice _every day._ I know you can tutor him, you just don't want to. This will be extra credit and will look good on any job or college applications."

Alfred nodded, deciding it would be best to act upon his (heroic) conscience. "Okay". He turned to Arthur. "So when do you want to start?"

Alfred discovered Arthur wasn't really that prickly once you got to know him. Sure, he was pretty blunt when you first talked to him, but after a while of tutoring him in math Alfred realised he was just a softie with a hard outer layer. And once you got past his defences, he was actually quite fun to hang around.

After Alfred had managed to bump up Arthur's grades to a passing level, Alfred kept in company with the Brit. Alfred liked the Briton, he didn't seem to care about much about popularity or sports or whatever his teammates seemed to. He accepted Alfred for the big science dork he really was who loved superheroes.

Alfred was round Arthur's house, and they were both sitting on their bed, during their English homework. Alfred was trying to concentrate on the essay due tomorrow, but other thoughts were plaguing his mind.

"My dad wants me to be a football star." Alfred blurts out, and Arthur looks up from the novel in hand. "I don't want to. I like football, but I don't want a career out of it. Next year he wants me to apply for a sports scholarship, but I think I want to major in physics, I don't know-"

"Stop" Arthur cut him off. "Making your dad happy isn't going to make you happy. Do physics if you want to. I can't see why myself, horrible subject."

Alfred sighed. "I just don't want to disappoint anyone."

"That's okay. But you should know you're going to sometimes." Arthur smiled. "Now let's write the essay."

* * *

 

It was the next year, two weeks before Christmas, when Arthur ruined it all.

Arthur had sat him down in Arthur's bedroom, and Arthur looked over to him. "I need to tell you something."

Alfred looked over to him. "What is it?"

"You know Antonio?"

"The Spanish guy?" Arthur nodded. "Yeah, I know him, vaguely."

"Well… we're dating now."

Alfred stopped. He stared at Arthur. " _What!?"_

Arthur coughed awkwardly. "Yes, Alfred, I'm gay."

Alfred continued staring. "Since _when?"_

"Well- I've been wondering for a while. But I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure. But Antonio and I got closer, and then I realised that girls really didn't do it for me, and then he asked me out a week ago for a date, and now, er, we're dating."

Alfred glared at Arthur. "I don't believe this."

Arthur's face started twisting into a look of hurt. "What do you mean?"

Alfred stood up. "I mean, why do you have to be _gay,_ Arthur?"

Arthur's pained look turned into a glare. "It's not like I woke up one day and thought 'hey, why don't I turn gay!"

"Well it's come out of nowhere!"

Arthur just stared at him. "I didn't think you would have a problem with it. I mean, we're friends, aren't we?" Arthur said, pleading slightly.

"Well, I just don't want my friends to be gay, okay? I just want us to be normal, I don't want to be looked at by men, you know? You could develop a crush on me, I don't want that." Alfred said. This whole situation was infuriating, and Alfred could feel a sense of anger he hadn't felt before. A sense of _betrayal_. People like Arthur didn't interact with people like Alfred. They could be themselves, Alfred supposed, but just not _near_ him. It was _weird._

And now Arthur had ruined it all.

Arthur stood up also. "How _dare_ you! You think just because I'm gay I'm going to fancy you!? Don't flatter yourself. Are you really that insecure with your own self that you can't be friends with gay people!?"

Alfred felt a flush of embarrassment and anger at Arthur's words. Alfred was not _insecure_. "I am perfectly secure with myself, and I think dicks are gross. I just think that you being gay is going to damage our friendship. You're going to change, and I don't want that."

Arthur shoved Alfred, and Alfred could see tears brimming in his eyes. "GET OUT"! Alfred walked down the stairs and slammed the front door.

* * *

 

After that day, Arthur and Alfred didn't speak to each other again. Alfred gave his Christmas gift for Arthur of the two new novels of some fantasy series to charity, and avoided Arthur at school whenever it looked like Arthur was going to talk to him. Alfred noticed none of Arthur's other friends came too watch his football matches any more. Kiku, who was on the student council with Arthur, stopped inviting him round to play video games. Alfred didn't care that much. _Why should he_?

Alfred felt bitterness swell inside of him when he thought of Arthur. Arthur being gay ruined _everything_.

Eventually, Alfred graduated high school. Alfred was happy that he'd finally won his father round on taking Physics instead of Football, and could take comfort in the fact that the job market _loved_ physics graduates. Moreover, Alfred was simply happy to leave behind soured memories of high school.

Adult hood would finally begin.

* * *

 

It was a cold night in January, and Alfred was returning home late after finishing his shift at the corner market. _It must be colder than the Arctic right now,_ he inwardly thought, (though his science side of his brain told him that was ridiculous). He was just thankful that his college dorms were just around the corner, when he heard a moan come from around the corner.

As he rounded the corner, he saw the commotion. He saw four larger men crowded around a man, who was on the floor desperately trying to protect his head from the fierce kicks. "Fucking faggot, disgusting piece of shit, where's your boyfriend now?"

Alfred rolled his eyes but continued walking on. _Nothing to do with you, Alfred,_ he thought to himself. But he heard another moan, and Alfred felt his hero instincts kick in and turned around.

"Hey, guys just leave him" he said as he rounded up to them.

The men stopped kicking the man and looked at him. "Yeah, well we would if he wasn't such a disgusting faggot."

"Man, just leave it." Alfred said again and puffed his chest slightly to make him appear bigger. The men looked at each other, then seemed to decide against having another alteration, and just walked away.

Alfred looked at the man and gave a hand to help him off the ground. The man took his hand and shakily stood up. He was beaten and bloodied, but he didn't appear to have any serious injuries.

"Dude, are you okay?" Alfred asked, and the man nodded. "You want the cops or medical or something?" he asked, and the man shook his head firmly. "Are you in the same college? Do you need help getting back to your dorms?"

The man nodded. "Thank you for your help. I am in the same college. I'll just get going now, though." He said. The man strode away, but Alfred noticed him shaking.

"Come on man, come to my room, it's just up here." The man turned around and nodded. "My name is Alfred, by the way."

The man smiled. "I'm Ludwig."

* * *

 

Alfred had let Ludwig sleep on the couch after giving him ice for his bruises and bandages for his cuts. Alfred raised the possibility of going to the hospital again, but Ludwig dismissed it, saying his wounds were just flesh ones, and weren't any different from the ones he got when he used to play sports. He also dismissed the idea of calling the police, saying he wasn't in the mood for trouble. Alfred was going to inquire the reasons for the beating, but Ludwig soon fell asleep on the couch.

It wasn't until morning that answers were given.

"I kissed my boyfriend outside the cinema. They saw and followed me until I was near the alley way, then they beat me. I'd like to think I can usually hold my own in a fight, but four-on-one isn't exactly fair." He said. Alfred nodded, face paling a little, as he wished that Ludwig wasn't actually gay and the beating happened as a mistake. "They didn't go after my boyfriend though, thank goodness, he's not much of a fighter. I texted him last night."

Alfred nodded, trying to swallow the pit of unease in his stomach. He was thinking of a way to try and change the subject. "You're not from around here, are you?"

Ludwig smiled, well as best he could with a swollen lip. "No, I'm from Germany. But my dad went here and said it was a good university so I thought I'd follow."

"That's pretty cool. I always wanted to travel but I suppose I haven't got the money for that yet."

Ludwig smiled. "You should when you can. But I best be going, I have a lecture soon. Thank you, Alfred."

* * *

 

Alfred was slightly bewildered by his new friendship with Ludwig, which started out as Ludwig buying Alfred a coke in the canteen, to bumping into each other at the lounge and watching sports together, and then hanging out more and more.

And Alfred found himself unable to justify his opinions on having gay acquaintances less and less.

Ludwig wasn't a pervert. Ludwig wasn't abnormal. Alfred's friendship with Ludwig wasn't really affected by the fact he was gay. Alfred realised he wasn't even flinching when Ludwig mentioned his boyfriend. He had even met the boyfriend, Feliciano, who was nice, even if a little loud. Alfred didn't realise when he forgot about the past ideas, they simply just faded away until he never even recalled them.

When Alfred was cooking dinner for himself, his roommate Toris, Ludwig and his boyfriend, that Alfred found himself thinking of the past. He had been thinking of Physics revision which led him to past memories at physics class in high school. Physics class involved half the class falling asleep, someone blowing something up, Arthur asking Alfred how to work out the the next question-

 _Arthur_.

Arthur, the nice guy he previously used to have a laugh with.

Arthur, the nice guy he confessed a lot of his personal troubles to.

Arthur, the nice guy he _betrayed_ when Arthur confessed to him.

Ludwig found Alfred nearly sobbing into his soup when he walked into the kitchen. "Alfred? Alfred, what's wrong?"

"I'm such an asshole!" Alfred said, tears beginning to stream down his face, though he tried to furiously scrub them away.

Ludwig cocked his head to the side. "You're not an asshole, Alfred. Why would you be?"

Alfred felt his heart twist when he heard that. "Oh, fuck, I am though. I'm such an _asshole_. You don't _know_ me, Ludwig."

Alfred had decided to continue with the dinner plan, despite Ludwig's clear concern. After an awkward dinner, Alfred confessed to Ludwig his story of Arthur and his feelings of guilt. Ludwig nodded, and he seemed to go a bit quiet. He was a man of few words anyway, but his face turned stony.

After Alfred finished his tale, Ludwig sighed and looked at Alfred. "Why did you think those things, Alfred, and whats changed?"

"My dad says a lot of negative things about gay people. Growing up, I doubted his ideas on homosexuality and didn't really believe that stuff like gay marriage would change 'society forever'. But I guess when Arthur told me, and had to deal with a person I actually _knew_ being gay, I got scared and believed the crap my dad said. But then I met you, and I realised that none of what I though made any sense. And today I thought of Arthur for the first time in ages, and now I just feel so guilty."

Ludwig nodded, lips pursed into a tight frown and was silent for a long while. He wondered if this revelation hurt Ludwig, knowing that he previously thought of him so poorly. That thought made Alfred feel even guiltier. Ludwig eventually relaxed. "There's only one solution. You need to apologise to him."

"I don't know _how_. I heard from idle gossip that he broke up with Antonio and moved back to the UK."

"Are you sure you won't be able to contact him from former friends. He may have a Facebook?"

"I'll check." Alfred sighed. "But…I'm not sure if I can apologise though. It's been so long…"

Ludwig sighed. "I think you should. But I guess it's up to you." Ludwig turned to go to the door. "Alfred, you're not an asshole. You just acted in an asshole-y way. Trust me, there's a difference." Ludwig smiled at him, rather awkwardly, and left.

* * *

 

Alfred looked up Arthur on Facebook, and he had no account, but Alfred had found Kiku, who he thought might know Arthur's contacts. Alfred refrained from asking, and too scared to confront Arthur as he was scared of the rejection of his apology. Luckily Ludwig didn't press him to apologise, in the end. They left it at that.

The next years flew by and they were soon graduating. Alfred felt quite emotional as he got that diploma, and even let a few happy tears brim in his eyes. He could see Ludwig struggling to keep a lid on his own emotions, although he tried to hide it and compose himself.

"Hey, man, don't cry" Alfred laughed, and patted Ludwig on the back, who glared at him for suggesting that he was. "We'll stay in contact".

Ludwig smiled. "Sure. It's really strange though, I suppose _this_ is the start of adulthood. We're now going to get jobs, me in a different country; I'm getting a place with my boyfriend." Ludwig seemed close to actually bursting the dam this time.

"Come on man, no crying." Alfred pulled Ludwig into a hug.

Ludwig sighed. "Before we leave, I need to tell you something. I know its strange, but I think you need to work out your guilt with Arthur."

Alfred paled. "It's fine if we just leave it. Arthur's probably moved on. No use in dragging up bad memories." he said nervously.

Alfred could tell Ludwig didn't agree, as the German man scratched his head in awkwardness. "You don't want to regret things in your life, Alfred. I regret some things. The day you found me, beaten up. I should've said something to the authorities. But I didn't because I didn't want to go through all of that police work for a simple fight. But, I should've, because in the end, homophobia it... makes you feel scared, and you should stop it when you can. I can't do anything about that now. But you still can apologise. You still clearly feel guilty." Ludwig finished.

Alfred looked down, digesting his words. "I know I should. But I-" he said, words drying on his mouth. "I don't know how."

Ludwig sighed. "I'm not going to force you to do anything. You're my friend either way." Ludwig finished. "Now, let's go get some alcohol."

* * *

 

Alfred's next year were a blur. He found himself, somehow by sheer dumb luck (though his family refuted otherwise), working at a popular scientific magazine. He gained such new friendly work colleagues who enjoyed his love for science, such as Eduard, a technology wiz from Estonia, and Berwald, their health columnist. Alfred thanked whoever was looking out for him as he settled into his new working life.

His boss called him up one day. "Alfred, we have an exciting opportunity for you" his boss said. "We're expanding our European circulation and we want you to go to the offices in London for a few months to oversee the changes. We're sending over some more experienced members, but we feel we need the more innovative young to go over as well. Fresh ideas and more adaptable young in a new continent and everything. "

It would be impossible for Alfred to refuse. He couldn't believe his luck. If someone had told him when he first got the job that he was going to have the responsibility of overseeing changes to a major newspaper, he could've hit them. This was a major stepping stone in his career, and it was an excellent opportunity to visit Ludwig and Feliciano in Germany. But his excitement was clouded with thoughts of Arthur, and the knowledge there was a good chance he was in the UK. He knew, deep down, he needed to sort things out, but he tried to deny it.

It was only when he'd passed the thrift store in his small home town that he changed his mind. Alfred had always given things away to this store, and he'd even done some fundraising for them when needed. He thought back to those books he'd bought for Arthur, and had given them away to this store still gift wrapped.

He really would've liked to have given them to Arthur. He would've liked to have seen Arthur's gift to him, because Arthur had always given such thoughtful gifts. They had been such good friends. And Alfred had blamed _Arthur_ , when it was himself all along.

Alfred had avoided the situation for so long, and had tried to convince himself that it was unnecessary to bring up bad feelings of the past and he should just move on. However, he realised he couldn't move on until he had truly put the past behind him. He wanted to be friends with Arthur again, even if he understandably refused, Alfred needed a damn _chance_. He sighed, mentally berating himself, and realised what he needed to do.

* * *

 

On a rainy day in London, Alfred's face lit up when he saw a confirmed request from Kiku Honda from Facebook. He'd been surprised as hell that Kiku had accepted. He excitedly looked at whether his new friend was online, and sure enough, he was, despite the time difference.

Alfred eagerly typed his first reply. _Thanks for accepting my friend request Kiku!_

_This is going to sound rude, but I don't suppose you know Arthur Kirkland's contact details?_

Kiku: Maybe. I'm not sure it's appropriate to give them to you though.

_I know what you're thinking. But I really need the contact details to apologise in person. I've changed, I realised how much of a colossal d-bag I was._

Kiku: I'm not sure Alfred. This is very strange.

Alfred didn't blame Kiku for being wary. He'd be wary himself if the homophobic dick came out of the blue and requested contact details for a former friend. He typed his next reply. _Please, Kiku! I NEED to apologise, I was a terrible friend and I need to say sorry. If it all blows up I won't say it was you who gave them to me._

Kiku: Okay Alfred. But if this goes horribly wrong then I WILL GIVE YOU HELL.

And Alfred didn't doubt the sincerity of those words, even over the internet.

* * *

 

After receiving the details, Alfred planned to travel by train to Cambridge, where Arthur lived on a weekend day. Alfred had contemplated ringing Arthur to arrange the details but had disliked the idea of doing it over the phone, and preferred the idea of saying it to his face. If Arthur wasn't home however, he would post a letter instead. Arthur had loved writing and words, so he'd done his best to eloquently describe his pitiful apologies. He even hoped that Arthur wouldn't answer because at least the letter was well constructed and wouldn't put his foot in his mouth.

Alfred looked at the house the address Kiku gave him described. It was a nice house, small but Alfred could imagine it being eloquently furnished and felt his palms growing sweaty, as he hopped around on each foot. He took a deep breath and knocked.

He heard footsteps and then the door opened.

Alfred recognised him, but it wasn't Arthur. It was _Antonio._

Antonio smiled at him. "Hello, can I help you?" he asked, his Spanish accent watered down, Alfred theorised as a result of living in english speaking countries for so long.

Alfred smiled back, a little shakily. "Hello. Is this where Arthur Kirkland lives?"

Antonio nodded. "Yes… who are you?"

"Well, I'm Alfred-"

"Oooh" Antonio cut him off. "I thought I recognised you." he said, eyes narrowing slightly.

"I've come to apologise to Arthur."

Antonio nodded. "It's a little late for that."

Alfred sighed. "I know. But better late than never, ha-ha." he said, in a half-hearted look.

Antonio stared at him with an incredulous look. "Well come in, I guess, he's out at the moment but he should return shortly."

Alfred nodded, and followed Antonio into the living room where they sat down. "So you both stayed together?"

Antonio shook his head. "We broke up for university, he went back to the UK and I moved to Spain and took English. I struggled to find work so I moved to the UK to train as a Spanish teacher and we met up again as friends. We hit if off again I guess, and we've been together for the last few years."

"Wow, that's really nice." Alfred nodded, and an awkward pause followed. Alfred thanked the heavens when he heard the front door open and close. Antonio walked out and heard Antonio greet Arthur and murmur that he had a visitor.

"Who could possibly be visiting—" Arthur turned round the corner and saw Alfred. "Oh. Well this is a surprise." He said rather coolly.

Antonio rounded into the room. "I'll make us some tea! Would you prefer coffee, Alfred?"

"Oh- yes, please" Alfred replied.

"Ok!" Antonio sung and disappeared, leaving Arthur and Alfred alone together.

Arthur coughed into the silence. "You came to visit because…?"

"I came to apologise- and this is going to sound stupid because it was _years_ ago- for how I acted when you came out."

Arthur just nodded, but didn't say anything.

Alfred decided to continue. "Years ago I realised how much of a total d-bag I'd been. I felt incredibly guilty because you'd been such a great friend to me and I betrayed your trust and friendship by acting like a total asshole from a bunch of stereotypes and I should've known better. I blamed you, and you did nothing wrong. I waited for so long to come and apologise because I was scared and didn't want to bring up old memories and convinced myself it was best to bury them. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry."

Arthur sighed. "I confided in you completely believing you would accept it. I believed coming out to my family would be harder than coming out to you. I was so…" Arthur gulped, a bit nervously, " _distraught_ when you rejected me and it made me feel really terrible and I blamed myself. You avoiding me at school didn't help." Arthur looked at Alfred, and Alfred felt those deep pangs of guilt. "But I got over it. I stopped blaming myself. I eventually accepted myself and I realised that it wasn't my fault for the negative way our friendship ended. Honestly, I've not spent years pining for an apology. I never thought I'd get one. Still" Arthur smiled at Alfred. " Now that you have. It makes me feel so…" Arthur turned away slightly, and Alfred could see Arthur turning pink. _He hasn't changed,_ Alfred thought. "It makes me feel really happy that you've come to apologise."

Alfred let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He beamed at Arthur. "That's great!" he saw Arthur give him a look. "I mean, that's totally amazing that you have accepted my apology." he said. "You didn't have to." he admitted.

"No, I didn't, but I wouldn't gain anything by refusing. I'd rather a friend." Arthur smiled. "You're still as awkward as ever."

Alfred shook his head. "Hey, no way man, I've never been awkward, I'm a social situation _master."_

Arthur laughed. "Do you want to stay for dinner? Antonio's a good cook."

Alfred shook his head, feeling both giddy and surprised. "I can't impose, this was so unexpected—"

Arthur grabbed his arm. "No, really. I insist."

And Alfred felt so happy that he'd regained a friend.

END

 

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i had a lot of issues with the original fic and I'm not sure if anyone else would but I've tried to make the characters less OOC and the plot slightly less contrived. Still an important piece of writing for me though!
> 
> This fic mainly came about because characters in fics are homophobic assholes until it turns out they're closeted. But maybe they were just an asshole. But a lot of people are assholes in high school and do mature so, here you are!


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